When the truth always comes out in the wash
Nov 17 2007 by David Prentice, Liverpool Echo
REAL SOCIEDAD manager Chris Coleman contrived an extravagant excuse this week which failed to wash with his bosses.
The former Fulham boss was 90 minutes late for a press conference on Friday, blaming a faulty washing machine which had flooded his apartment.
So far so unlucky, until it emerged he’d been spotted in a night club at 5am the previous morning.
“I gave you an excuse to take the pressure off the club. I have already apologised to the players. I have to ask for forgiveness from the fans and everybody connected with the club because there are no excuses,” said a now contrite Coleman.
Here’s our top 10 of excuses which failed to wash . . .
MO JO AND THE ROCKING HORSE
1 MAURICE JOHNSTON missed a match at Goodison Park after turning up at the ground sporting a substantial shiner.
He really might have sustained the injury falling down the stairs at his Formby home and colliding with his daughter’s rocking horse. But given his much documented love of a good night out, suspicions remained . . .
DENNIS THE MENACE
2 SPRINTERS always produce the best excuses - and Dennis Mitchell’s was legendary. Hauled in front of the authorities for excessively high levels of testosterone in 1998, he produced a full and frank explanation.
He couldn’t sleep, had five beers to relax him, relaxed just a little too much and ended up enjoying four bouts of love-making with his wife.
Good enough for us, declared the US Track and Field Association.
The international governing body was less lenient, however and overturned the ruling.
3 CYCLING champ Tyler Hamilton blamed his unborn twin brother for the presence of foreign blood cells that anti-doping officials detected in his bloodstream in 2004.
And if it wasn’t from his twin who had died in utero, it must have been some of his mother’s blood that was mixed when he was a foetus.
An arbitration panel disagreed.
4 IT was a superbly contrived response to Robbie Fowler’s controversial goal celebration at Anfield in 1999.
We all thought he was mocking the Everton fans who had tormented him for years with totally unsubstantiated drug-taking claims.
Not so, said Houllier.
“It was really nothing. Robbie was just pretending to eat the grass. It was certainly not a response to the Everton fans.”
Even Houllier realised he was talking tosh 24 hours later.
“ I did not have the benefit of television pictures,” he said. “But, after seeing the video, I realised I was mistaken. I am glad he has apologised.”
THE TALE OF TWO GRANDMOTHERS
5STEPHEN IRELAND asked to come home early from the Republic’s match in Prague, because maternal grandmother, Patricia Tallon, had died.
Poor Patricia was shocked to read about her death, so Ireland changed his story to say his paternal grandmother, Brenda Kitchener, had died.
She, in turn, read about her own death. Ireland said: “I decided at that stage that I must admit I had told lies,” Ireland said.
The truth was, his partner had miscarried, surely reason enough to merit compassionate leave, but Ireland panicked.
6 YOU can take your pick from Old Trafford’s undoubted master of the elaborate and remarkable excuse . . .
A grey United kit at Southampton meant his team couldn’t recognise each other; a home draw with Everton was down to the referee not playing sufficient injury time (even though the Toffees missed a sitter in time added on); a defeat at Newcastle was because his team was tired from sitting on a plane back from Europe.
KENNY’S ON THE BOUNCE
7 WHEN Newcastle drew at Stevenage in the FA Cup in 1998, A furious Kenny Dalglish said that the “balls were too bouncy!”
8 BLACKPOOL missed out on promotion after letting a two goal lead slip in the play-offs at home to Bradford. It was then announced the Blackpool boardroom was haunted by the ghost of Lord Nelson because its oak panelling was salvaged from his flagship!
DON’T EAT A COW, MAN!
9 TENNIS star Petr Korda claimed over indulging in nandrolone fattened veal had resulted in a failed drugs test.
Wimbledon authorities pointed out that Korda would have to have eaten 40 calves a day for 20 years to achieve such levels.